Thursday, July 20, 2017

Baby Steps...Sorta

Tonight marks one week since I was transferred to a different campaign.
I like the new campaign, but I miss my old one very much. 
I miss helping customers and being very busy.  
But, my new campaign offers a lot of challenges also.

For the last two days, I rolled to work.  There's half a mile where I'm actually on North street, and I'm scared every moment that a car won't move over or slow down.
The rest of the way I can take back streets.

On Monday, I'm taking my van to get fixed.  I'm hoping that it's just that I'm an idiot and don't know how to use the lift.  

Life is going on, yet I still feel like a part of me is being left behind.
I miss my husband.  I miss being married.  I miss that life.
What do you do when your heart is torn out?  
I joke and call the past two years the "Tornado" that hit my life, but in actuality it's more like a mack truck.  And, just in case it didn't do the job the first keeps coming back.

For the first time in two years, I've paid all my bills, and had a little extra.  I keep waiting for the other foot to drop.  I keep waiting for the mack truck to come and roll over me again.  

Tomorrow I get my second paycheck from work...I'm scared and excited at the same time.  I'm no fool, I know that I could lose my job in a heartbeat.  All I want to do is put as much money aside as I can...I want to hide every penny I earn.  But, then again, I want to enjoy a little of my hard work.  

And then...I keep having glimpses of things I've lost...and I get angry at him again.  Then I think, hope that it was the PTSD that affected him...Then I get angry again because the system, our VA system dropped him in the cracks.  To this day, I want to fight for him, to try to make things like they used to be.  

I know he's still in there...the happy guy that always made me laugh.  The guy that lived 18 years in misery because he wanted to look out for me.  The guy that told me that Thanksgiving night that he loved me.  That's the guy that I miss.  That's the life that I miss.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Life Happens

So, a couple weeks ago I get an email from Texas Workforce.

Telling me that HUD looked at my case and that they are finding just cause.

Since Texas Workforce told me to sign that settlement, they're not willing to help anymore.

So, if I have any attorney friends, or anyone that knows anyone.

I have to get out of this contract that Texas Workforce had me sign...then I can go after the apartments...since Texas Workforce found just cause (I don't know because they won't talk to me anymore) I can file a lawsuit against the apartments.  

It's a fairly good's a VERY STRONG case with lots of evidence.

So, I'm going to push it...and tell the world what happened to me with University they harassed me after I filed the fair housing complaint.  

The parent company is DTI Investments, out of California.  They have apartments everywhere and prey on college students.  So, please, if you know anyone...let me know!  

Tuesday, June 27, 2017


Swagbucks is holding their Swago promotion starting Tuesday, June 27th at 9am PDT! It's just like bingo, but in this case you're filling out squares as you earn points on their site for doing things you already do online. If you're thinking of trying Swagbucks, this is a great chance to learn all about how the site works and earn bonus points while doing it.   

The best part is that the points you get can be used to get free gift cards to places like Amazon, or PayPal cash!

Fill up your board and then submit your pattern to get even more points - if you can fill in the whole board, you get a 550 SB bonus! That's enough for a $5 gift card in our Rewards Store.

Click here to sign up and get started! If you sign up through my link and earn 300 SB before the first of next month, you'll get a bonus 300 SB!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

It's Been TWO years.

It's been two years since I went to Chicago.
Two years since everything in my life was normal.
Two years since I started this rollercoaster that is now my life.

A lot has happened in those two years.
I came back to a new life.
I'm no longer a wife.
I no longer live in Lufkin.
I'm no longer a member of PBL...though I hope that changes this year.
I've gravitated more towards politics.
I've learned who I am again...
For a while, I lost myself...
I forgot who I was.
I put Mike first...all the time.

My family has been torn apart.  
The man that I thought I knew, have known for 30 years
So, now I'm divorced...again.  I've been absent for a while to try to get my life straight.  
I still have my hard days.
I still think that I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.
I still face the uncertainty...
I wake up scared, I go to bed scared.
The life that I once had, the security, is gone.

I've made wonderful friends.
I've learned a lot.
I've found who I am again.

You know, people ask me constantly if I were able to go back and change anything, would I do it.  My answer is, and has always been
Everything that has happened to me, everything that I've gone through, every tear that I've cried, every heartache, every fear, has contributed to make me who I am...and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Yeah, it's hurts.  
IT SUCKS! But, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Two seems like a lifetime ago.