Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Things You Miss

You never know what you've got until it's gone...isn't that what they say.  I'm feeling a big melancholy today because I realize that my DH isn't as strong as either of us would like to believe.  They now want him to walk with a cane to help with the unsteadiness, and I hope this is only temporary.  To think, less than five years ago we were carefree and doing everything.  Now, it's work a little, rest a lot.  I've always been on the frail side and pushed myself to the limits, but I know my limitations and when I get there.  It hurts me to watch DH try to go past his limitations and then hurt more later.  I'm angry that the VA will not admit that this is a WAR INJURY!  I'm angry that we have to fight to get the benefits that he deserves!  I'm angry that my youthful, energetic husband has to work hard just to do the little things.  It's not fair...he has a one year old little boy, we should be playing outside with him everyday and going to the lake and going to the park and fishing and all the other things that little boys should do with their daddy's.  Instead, Little Monster plays inside on the floor with his daddy. 

We're working around the limitations of this family, but still, why should we have to fight for the benefits for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq, the Traumatic Brain Injury, the effects of having a loved one that still has part of his soul thousands of miles away.  I miss the man I fell in love with, happy and carefree, who used to laugh often.  Now, it's different...the signs are subtle, and if you didn't know him before the war you wouldn't notice that much, but I KNOW.

I guess it's because it's that kind of day...it was beautiful and sunny outside and we really couldn't do anything.  Our goal for this week, even though it's a small goal, it to go to the park and maybe take the boat to the lake to just go out on the water.  I hope we can make that goal!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Home at Last!!!

So, for those of you that have been following me on Facebook and Twitter, you know that DH has been in the hospital.  It was a horrible 10 days.  I do have to say a "BIG THANK YOU" to the Michael E. DeBakey VA hospital and The Fisher House in Houston, without them, I wouldn't have my hubby and I wouldn't have been so close to him in this trying time.  If you ever get a chance to donate to the Fisher House, please do, there are so many military family members that use it and it runs on donations.  DH now has a PICC line in his arm so that I can hook up his IV antibiotics twice a day...what fun.  This experience has changed both of use in ways that I have never imagined.  Being there in the hospital for four days and not knowing what was wrong with him was horrible, and one of the most scarriest times of my life.  There were a couple of days when I spent 12 hours straight at the hospital, and The Fisher House was only 100 yards from the hospital, so I could be there immediately if I needed to be.  The good thing about all of this, was I think I walked a grand total of around 50 miles in 10 days, back and forth several times.  And lets not forget the hundreds of rounds around the inside of the hospital trying to get Monster to sleep! 

On another note...my son PJ is still in need of a lot of things from the fire that destroyed their house, if anyone has donations, please send them to his Aunt Lezlie. 

Thank You to everybody that has been praying for me and my family during this most trying time.  Things are getting better, and looking up every day.