Friday, January 21, 2011

Please Parents: Pay Attention and think of your kids!

I know this is a weird title for a blog post, and I apologize in advance for some of the language that may pop out of my mouth. But in light of the tragedy that has happened to my oldest friend, and other events this week...I feel something needs to be said to the parents. So, again, please let me rant, and if this saves just one life in the future, then it's worth it.

On Tuesday, I received word that my friend lost her brother and her nephew. Tomorrow she has to bury them, alone...or what feels alone because her family CAN'T GROW UP ENOUGH TO NOT FIGHT FOR A FUNERAL!!!

A little history here. My friend was there for me the day I went to school after my parents went to their FIRST court hearing for the divorce. She was there to comfort me and give me a hug during one of the crappiest times of my childhood...and I've had a lot. She is my oldest friend. She has seen what my family put me and my siblings through. Now, fast forward about 24 years to last year.


Her brother is divorcing his wife, and they have two kids. One is special needs, and one is now dead...along with the father. You see, the parents just went through a very nasty divorce, and of course, the children were put in the middle of it.


I know during a divorce it can get nasty, and all you want to do is hurt the other party. But, seriously folks...if there are children involved GROW UP AND ACT LIKE ADULTS!!!!! My parents are not in my life for a reason, they never learned to act like adults and I don't want my son to see that. I gave up my son 12 years ago to his father because I saw that his father was not going to grow up and quit fighting, and there have been several people that have called me a bad mother for it...but I made what I thought was the best decision for my son and I didn't want him to see what I grew up with.

Back to my very dear friend. She got word this week, and flew across the US to bury her brother and nephew because of a murder/suicide. You see, her nephew begged to go live with her, the parents were not grown up enough at the time to see what was best for him. His father said he would raise his son as he sees fit. And now, the son killed his father, and then himself. We will never know what happened in that house. All I know is that my very dear friend is hurting and I can't be there because of my financial situation.

Now you would think that as a father and son are to be buried, that the funerals would be together. But NOOOOO...the sons mother still wants to hurt the family. There is going to be the funeral for the father, then to the cemetery, then back to the funeral home and back to the cemetery for the son. She didn't even list my friend as surviving family in the flyer that gets passed out.


I understand anonymousity , I understand hate. I've felt it. I felt it when I lost Emily. I feel it every day when I think of all that I am missing watching her grow up. I don't even know what she sounds like or what her favorite color is...because the Carter's still want to hurt me. But ultimately it's not me they're hurting...it's Emily. When a mutual friend convinced my son PJ to talk to me, one of the first phrases out of his mouth was, "you're nothing like dad said you were."

Do you really think that by blaming things on the children and fighting over them, that it's best for them??? Do you really think that keeping the children with either parent at a time like that is healthy for the children??

I DON'T THINK SO!!!

This is why I ended up with a foster mother when I was 15...I had begged enough and run away often enough that my parents finally gave up, and in my opinion...I'm halfway decent because of it.

If one thing can come out of this tragedy, hopefully it's to prevent another tragedy down the line. Parents, if you ever get divorced, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN. If you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse can't stop fighting long enough to get divorced in a halfway civil way, let your children go stay with a relative. It will be better in the long run and hopefully you won't end up like my friends brother and nephew. Hopefully, you will survive. Don't make a child feel so hopeless that the only way they can see to stop the hurt is to kill you and then themselves...because it hurts more to bury family than it does to let a child live with a relative or close friend.

Trust me...I've seen it. That's why my friend and I get along so well and why we can cry on each others shoulders. We've both got family that refuse to act mature and think of others...all they want is to feel that victory of hurting the other person so much. Well...Yeah...you got the victory...you hurt the other person so much that you also hurt your own son and the only way he saw to get out of it was to die.


THINK ABOUT IT!! IS IT REALLY WORTH ALL THE FIGHTING?


Please, pray for peace for my friend, that has to go to two different funerals tomorrow because the family can't stop fighting, even in the middle of this horrible thing that has happened. Pray for all the families that are going through this, because IT HAS TO STOP SOMETIME!

P.S. I did forget two things.  To the American Red Cross, that had my friends ticket waiting for her at the airport within 3 hours...THANK YOU! For seeing that she got home.
And to the passenger that got bumped from the flight so that she could get on it...I hope you understand and I'm sorry for the delay...but she needed to get home!

4 comments:

  1. Wow. What a horrible, tragic mess. I'm sorry for everything you and your friend have faced, and that poor, lonely boy.

    You're right. Even when a marriage ends, the parenting doesn't. No matter the cause of the divorce, the tension, stress, pain or anger between the parents shouldn't be rested on the shoulders of the children.

    So, so, sad.

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  2. This is so very sad and so very senseless :( adults never behave worse than when they are going through a divorce. So very selfish :( rarely have I seen parents put the children first in these situations, it usually becomes all about hurting each other which in turn hurts the children and leaves scars that never go away. I wish that adults understood that children hold the weight of the world on their shoulders and most times feel that that when things go wrong, it is all their fault :( Children should not have to deal with selfish adult situations, ever.

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  3. I will pray for your friend, it's so not right to have to go to two funerals in the same day!!You did right by being the bigger person in not fighting over your child. When they are older it will come around as when my son met his dad at 18 whom left me after telling me I had to choose abortion or him? After finding him on the internet my son has told me that he is glad I raised him it was hard being mom/dad.
    Fighting over the children to hurt one another is the worst and my 14 year old son's dad is telling him I am too sick to take care of him. He has given up two other children for adoption and now he tells my son this? It all about the child support money and my son I heard tell his dad on the phone he would never leave me or move in with him as I have done everything. Yes I am sick but I am also a good mother so I thought this was pretty low too!
    I will pray your friend gets through this tragedy and she is lucky to have a friend like you!

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  4. I'm so sorry for what happened to your friend. So many parents divorce or split up and put their kids right in the middle of it. Some people just like to be miserable. I'll keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers, as well as her family.

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