Saturday, November 7, 2015

The Countdown Has Begun

It's Saturday night, and I'm starting to get more worried.
I know that everything happens for a reason, but that still doesn't stop me from getting anxious.

I went to the ODK Leadership Conference on campus today!
I never thought that I would be a leader, or even be considered for it. 
I'm learning so much.  Even though I'm still anxious about getting in front of crowds, I'm getting over that fear.

I miss James, and I miss his dad.  
I wish that my life would be easy for just one month.  I wish I didn't have to worry about where I'm going to sleep or how to hid this from James.  

I would like to talk to Mike, but I'm pretty sure I'm not on his visitation list.  
At least I can write him a letter.  

I have three days left to pack up my house and find a place to put my stuff.
I've made a list of things to put in the plastic bins in my car.  
I'm pretty sure that I can cut it down to a couple pair of jeans, and t-shirts.  I will have to find different parking lots to sleep in, and somehow make the engine in my car last just a little bit longer.  

I hope that HUD can help me either find a place or help me stay in this place just a little longer.  
But, on to happier memories.
Here I am with my friends at the conference today!  

A New Adventure

So, court didn't go well at all.
I've spent all day between crying and not walking to talk to people.
I'm really sorry if you were trying to talk to me but I wasn't answering.

I get to go to a new phase of my life.
My education is so important to me that I will be sleeping in my car.  
At least I can stay at school until the library or student center closes.
Right now, I'm working on consolidating everything to where it will fit in my car and also have enough room for me to sleep.

It's a good thing that JJ is with his friend.  I've tried to shield him from this horrible life as much as possible.  All he knows is he gets to spend every night with his friend, and that's a good thing.
But, God, I really miss him.  It's another reason I'm crying so much.  

I can hope for a miracle before Wednesday.  
I've made a list so that I can try to make my car as organized as I can...but we know how I am.
One piece of paper and it's all over the place. 

NOTHING is going to keep me from school...NOTHING.
I will finish my education, and I will thrive.

I can fall into bed every night after studying all day, and then when I wake up I can always find a place to shower.  What I don't understand is...how can a landlord treat a person like this, especially one that is disabled?  

And, not only do I have to get used to being in my car, but I also have to figure out how I'm going to represent myself with this small claims case they've filed against me.
Have I mentioned that they took my doorknob so that I can't close or lock the door to my room, and they turned the power off for a week.  Yes, they knew it was against the law, but it was a civil suit, and told the police officer that they weren't going to turn it back on...I think.  (She didn't share with me what was said, but she did tell them that it was illegal...and yet the power was off for a whole week)

All I ask of you is to not be sad for me.
God has a plan.  Pray for James.  My poor son doesn't know what's going on.  All he knows is that his daddy isn't around and that his mommy sent him to stay with his friend.  

According to my roommate (pictured below);
I am a horrible and selfish mom.  She told me that any mom who gave up their child doesn't deserve to be a mom.  She knew about my oldest, and she said I was selfish.  
I have always done what is best for my children, even if it isn't being with me.  
I let JJ stay with his friend to avoid being around this person, who threatened to throw all his toys away.  What kind of person would do that?  

Me, I'm going to be OK. 
I've found a place, but I don't have the $399 for the rent...I've already paid the deposit.  I'm not sure it can be held for me much longer and I don't know how long it will be until I can raise the funds.  

I will post another blog soon with all the information.  But for now, Here's a screencap of my landlords:
Soon, I will post the recording of him telling me I was 100% negligent because there was mud on the floors.  Tile and wood floors, not even carpet.  
This weekend, I am attending a leadership conference. 
Then I'm going to pack most of my stuff up and get ready to move.  
I've don't think I've ever been through worse, but I do know that I'm a survivor.
I may have been knocked down, but I'm not out.  

I hope you guys have a great weekend.  I miss my son.  I miss my husband.

My friend started a hashtag: #Mercy4Marci