Thursday, July 20, 2017

Baby Steps...Sorta

Tonight marks one week since I was transferred to a different campaign.
I like the new campaign, but I miss my old one very much. 
I miss helping customers and being very busy.  
But, my new campaign offers a lot of challenges also.

For the last two days, I rolled to work.  There's half a mile where I'm actually on North street, and I'm scared every moment that a car won't move over or slow down.
The rest of the way I can take back streets.

On Monday, I'm taking my van to get fixed.  I'm hoping that it's just that I'm an idiot and don't know how to use the lift.  

Life is going on, yet I still feel like a part of me is being left behind.
I miss my husband.  I miss being married.  I miss that life.
What do you do when your heart is torn out?  
I joke and call the past two years the "Tornado" that hit my life, but in actuality it's more like a mack truck.  And, just in case it didn't do the job the first time...it keeps coming back.

For the first time in two years, I've paid all my bills, and had a little extra.  I keep waiting for the other foot to drop.  I keep waiting for the mack truck to come and roll over me again.  

Tomorrow I get my second paycheck from work...I'm scared and excited at the same time.  I'm no fool, I know that I could lose my job in a heartbeat.  All I want to do is put as much money aside as I can...I want to hide every penny I earn.  But, then again, I want to enjoy a little of my hard work.  

And then...I keep having glimpses of things I've lost...and I get angry at him again.  Then I think, hope that it was the PTSD that affected him...Then I get angry again because the system, our VA system dropped him in the cracks.  To this day, I want to fight for him, to try to make things like they used to be.  

I know he's still in there...the happy guy that always made me laugh.  The guy that lived 18 years in misery because he wanted to look out for me.  The guy that told me that Thanksgiving night that he loved me.  That's the guy that I miss.  That's the life that I miss.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Life Happens

So, a couple weeks ago I get an email from Texas Workforce.

Telling me that HUD looked at my case and that they are finding just cause.

HOWEVER...
Since Texas Workforce told me to sign that settlement, they're not willing to help anymore.

So, if I have any attorney friends, or anyone that knows anyone.

I have to get out of this contract that Texas Workforce had me sign...then I can go after the apartments...since Texas Workforce found just cause (I don't know because they won't talk to me anymore) I can file a lawsuit against the apartments.  

It's a fairly good case...it's a VERY STRONG case with lots of evidence.

So, I'm going to push it...and tell the world what happened to me with University Courtyards...how they harassed me after I filed the fair housing complaint.  

The parent company is DTI Investments, out of California.  They have apartments everywhere and prey on college students.  So, please, if you know anyone...let me know!  

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

June SWAGO

Swagbucks is holding their Swago promotion starting Tuesday, June 27th at 9am PDT! It's just like bingo, but in this case you're filling out squares as you earn points on their site for doing things you already do online. If you're thinking of trying Swagbucks, this is a great chance to learn all about how the site works and earn bonus points while doing it.   

The best part is that the points you get can be used to get free gift cards to places like Amazon, or PayPal cash!


Fill up your board and then submit your pattern to get even more points - if you can fill in the whole board, you get a 550 SB bonus! That's enough for a $5 gift card in our Rewards Store.

Click here to sign up and get started! If you sign up through my link and earn 300 SB before the first of next month, you'll get a bonus 300 SB!

Saturday, June 24, 2017

It's Been TWO years.

It's been two years since I went to Chicago.
Two years since everything in my life was normal.
Two years since I started this rollercoaster that is now my life.

A lot has happened in those two years.
I came back to a new life.
I'm no longer a wife.
I no longer live in Lufkin.
I'm no longer a member of PBL...though I hope that changes this year.
I've gravitated more towards politics.
I've learned who I am again...
For a while, I lost myself...
I forgot who I was.
I put Mike first...all the time.

My family has been torn apart.  
The man that I thought I knew, have known for 30 years
CHANGED.
So, now I'm divorced...again.  I've been absent for a while to try to get my life straight.  
I still have my hard days.
I still think that I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone.
I still face the uncertainty...
EVERY.
SINGLE.
DAY.
I wake up scared, I go to bed scared.
The life that I once had, the security, is gone.

BUT
I've made wonderful friends.
I've learned a lot.
I've found who I am again.

You know, people ask me constantly if I were able to go back and change anything, would I do it.  My answer is, and has always been
NO.
Everything that has happened to me, everything that I've gone through, every tear that I've cried, every heartache, every fear, has contributed to make me who I am...and I wouldn't change that for the world.  Yeah, it's hard...it hurts.  
IT SUCKS! But, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Two Years....it seems like a lifetime ago.

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

What now?

I said a long time ago, "I don't think I will ever graduate college".

And it holds true today.

Being a military wife, I had to start over on my degree plan every time I moved.  So, I'm out of financial aid...besides...I've been trying to get this degree for 20 years now.

Twenty freaking years...I've worked hard.  I've endured 2 abusive husbands, 2 divorces, and being homeless twice, yet still I perservered.

And now, I have no funding for these last ten classes.  
TWO SEMESTERS...that's all that is between me and a piece of paper that i've worked very hard for.

I've had people make promises and break them.
I've done a lot.
Yeah, because I was homeless my GPA dropped...I get that...even though that's not a good enough excuse.  

People like me don't get degrees, we are the ones that do the minimum wage jobs for those that do have the degrees.

I've always dreamed of having a house, and a car that is reliable.  I've dreamed of going to work every day in an office, or a classroom...I'm not picky.

TEN classes....TWO semesters....that's all that is left.

I helped my ex through college, and the deal we made was for him to support me in college after he got his degree...yeah, that didn't happen.  

I don't know if I will ever be able to finish these last ten classes...right now, I have to find some sort of job...something to help out.  

On the bright side...I can study for my Magic Judges Exam, and try to get better at playing Magic...maybe I can earn the money that way.  

So, unless by some miracle, I have a benefactor that is willing to pay for the next semester, FOUR of those ten classes, I won't be able to finish.  If I can pass those FOUR classes, then DARS will pay for the rest of my education...until then...I'm on the outside looking in...and Hoping.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Mother's Day Collectors Bill

In honor of all the Moms out here, Swagbucks has a special one-day-only collector's bill available exclusively through Search! It's a 24 SB bill available all Mother's Day long - and here's the best part: If you get it, you'll get an automatic 20 SB bonus as well!

Click here to go find it!


If you aren't already a member of Swagbucks, it's a site where you earn points (called SB) for Searching the web, shopping, discovering deals, taking surveys, and watching videos. Then you redeem those points for gift cards to places like Amazon, PayPal, Walmart, Starbucks, Target, and more! They've awarded over $185 million in free gift cards already.

Sign up for Swagbucks now

Thursday, May 4, 2017

May the Fourth Collector's Bill

In honor of Star Wars Day Swagbucks has a special one-day-only collector's bill available exclusively through Search! It's an 8 SB bill available all day long - and here's the best part: If you get it, you'll get an automatic 20 SB bonus as well!

Click here to go find it!

If you aren't already a member of Swagbucks, it's a site where you earn points (called SB) for Searching the web, shopping, discovering deals, taking surveys, and watching videos. Then you redeem those points for gift cards to places like Amazon, PayPal, Walmart, Starbucks, Target, and more! They've awarded over $185 million in free gift cards already.

Sign up for Swagbucks now

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

April Swaggo

Swagbucks has one more bit of April fun - it's the return of Swago! It's just like bingo, but in this case you're filling out squares as you earn points on their site for doing things you already do online. The best part is that the points you get can be used to get free gift cards to places like Amazon, or PayPal cash!


Fill up your board and then submit your pattern to get even more points - if you can fill in the whole board, you get a 700 SB ($7) bonus! Click here to sign up and get started! If you sign up through my link and earn 300 SB before May 1st, you'll get a bonus 300 SB!

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Spring into Deals with Swagbucks

Spring has sprung and at Swagbucks, the deals are in full bloom. They're giving back BIG Cash Back on your favorite merchants. If you haven't heard of Swagbucks, when you shop there you get cash back in the form of SB points for every dollar you spend. Then you redeem those points for gift cards to places like Amazon, PayPal, Starbucks, Walmart, Target, and more! Sign up here to get started

The weekend is upon us and the weather is warming up, so now’s the perfect time to do a little shopping! Need to update your wardrobe for the new season? Check out all the great Cash Back deals you can earn at:

JCPenney – 15% Cash Back 
Nike – 20% Cash Back
Macy’s – 12% Cash Back
Gap – 8% Cash Back

Looking to do some spring cleaning and organizing? Check out great deals at these retailers:

Home Depot = 3% Cash Back
Target = 4% Cash Back
Walmart = Up to 8% Cash Back
Lowe’s = 3% Cash Back


Plus, if you've signed up through my links at some point this month (or do it now), you'll get a $2 (200 SB) bonus added to your account when you get your shopping SB! 

You can earn SB in all sorts of ways, including discovering deals and trying new products/services, watching videos, taking surveys, or just searching the web!

Hurry though, because this deal ends on the 16th!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Lowe's Bonus Days at MyGiftCardsPlus--SOLD OUT



If you have some home projects you're working on or just need some gardening supplies, you can get a 10% cashback when you purchase Lowe's gift cards from MyGiftCardsPlus, which is a site that gives you cash back when you buy gift cards to your favorite retailers.

The cash back is paid in the form of SB points on Swagbucks, which you can turn into free gift cards to places like Amazon, Starbucks, or PayPal. You can take advantage of this deal by clicking here, and if you don't already have a Swagbucks account, you can create one there so you get your SB points for your purchase!

This is a limited time offer that's good through this Friday or until supplies run our, whichever happens first!

Monday, April 3, 2017

April Collector's Bills are here!


It's time for a digital Easter Egg hunt! Swagbucks is celebrating April with "Collector's Bills" worth bonus SB points that you can collect by simply searching the web. Collect them all, and you get an SB Bonus! Once you've collected enough SB, you can redeem them for gift cards to stores like Amazon, PayPal Cash, and many more!
Here's all the information for this week's Collector's Bills:
Search the web through the Swagbucks search starting Monday, April 3rd through Friday, April 9th, and when you get a search win, you may get a special Collector’s Bill valued at either:
  • 6 SB
  • 12 SB
  • 16 SB
  • 22 SB
  • 32 SB
When you get a Collector’s Bill you’ll receive the value of the bill and the bill will be added to your “Collector’s Bills” ledger. Collect all 5 Collector’s Bills and you’ll instantly earn a 20 SB Bonus!
Keep searching til you find them all!

Monday, March 13, 2017

Why do you use that? That being my wheelchair...

I've had several people ask me why I use a wheelchair, and I've learned to have a great comeback for that...

I'm an overachiever!

Seriously, though...why do I use a wheelchair, when I can walk...albeit a little bit.  The answer is: 

I'm an overachiever!

or  My body doesn't like me...

So, the first thing is Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, otherwise known as Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.  This is the most painful disease known to medicine.  On a daily basis, I live with pain around a 7 out of 10.  For 20 years, I fought this disease.  For 20 years, I lived with the pain, sometimes so bad I would be crying.  It all came down to "how bad do I want to hurt while walking?" and what happened during a football game in Dallas.  The ex and I went to a game, and he didn't want to pay the $50 that I usually pay for parking.  There's a perfectly good parking lot 5 minutes from the stadium...he didn't realize it was the very outer edges of the furthest parking lot of the stadium.  
So, I sucked it up and walked...by then I was using crutches.  During the game he had me going to get the drinks and snacks.  After the game, it was time to go back to the car...by this time I was in so much pain I could barely walk.  So, what should have taken 15 minutes took me over 45 minutes...and it was 9/10 of a mile.  He still couldn't understand why I was in tears by the time I got to the car.  

When I went to my doctor to see if there was stronger pain killers or something, he suggested it was time for a wheelchair.  So, I agreed.  Using the chair helped with the pain....A LOT!! 

But, the ex didn't believe that I needed the wheelchair.  So, on March 17, 2016 we got into an argument about me using the wheelchair.  He was saying I didn't need it, I was saying I didn't want to be around him.  It ended with him assaulting me, and throwing me out of my wheelchair.  When that happened, I had abrasions on my arms and knees, but my back was also hurting...I chalked it up to me overreacting to the assault.

Then...my back pain kept getting worse.  Now, I've been living with back pain for 9 years because (and here's more of the overachiever part) I have Syringomyelia, or a syrinx in my spinal cord.  It hurts, but has always taken a back burner to the RSD.  

Then I went to the doctor, and he noticed my foot spasming and asked me how long that has been happening...I told him since I was assaulted.  He immediately sent me for an MRI.

When I got the results of the MRI, and went to the doctor, I told him I was in tears that morning because of the pain...getting out of bed is always the worst.  He looked at the results of the MRI and shook his head, and said to himself "I don't understand why you're not in excruciating pain."  (Keep in mind I've been dealing with RSD for 20 years, and have a VERY HIGH tolerance to pain.) He then did a couple of reflex tests, which were amusing because there was very very little movement if at all...and shook his head again.  Then, his eyes got wide, and he looked at me and said, "You are in excruciating pain" it's just that you're so used to the pain that you can deal with it a little better.  So, it has been verified...my ex gave me an incomplete SCI when he assaulted me.  This was clearly evidenced last week when I accidently had boiling water splashed on my foot.  I felt the water hit, but no pain.  We got my brace and sock off immediately, and I poured cold water on my foot because I knew...even though I didn't feel any pain, my body was feeling it.  My poor foot immediately went into spasms and my leg started cramping...for the first time since this whole ride began, my calf was actually cramping...before this it's always been my thigh...so yeah I was freaking out a bit.  

The verdict?  A second degree scald on the top of my foot...No, it never hurt, but I've been really careful with it.  

So why do I use that thing?  (Again, it's a wheelchair, and it's OK to ask) 
Again, I joke about it...tell people I'm really lazy, that I argue with stairs, and that walking is overrated.  Take your pick.  I'm an overachiever, even in rare diseases I overachieve....I can't have just one.  Yes, it's ok to ask me anything, and I will answer.  And, no I'm not the best using a wheelchair, but I can balance like you wouldn't believe.  

I don't let it stop me...I participate in Amtgard and go camping...it's hard, and I use my crutches a lot.  I've even gotten brave and walked without my crutches...just as long as I have my braces on.  I've incorporated my braces into my garb...and the people at my park do try to be careful with me when I do decide to participate in the games...though it's rare.  

So, if you see me walking, know that it does hurt me...A LOT...and that I'm fighting through the pain.  I refuse to let my disease identify and limit me, and I TRY REALLY HARD to do everything that I used to do.  

Monday, February 27, 2017

Birthday SWAGGO

Swagbucks is celebrating their birthday all day on February 27th, but they want to give YOU presents. You can play Swago (their version of bingo) all day long, filling out squares as you earn points on their site for doing things you already do online.

For each square you fill in, you get a spin on their big birthday prize wheel, where you can earn up to 2500 points with each spin!

The best part is that the points you get can be used to get free gift cards to places like Amazon, or PayPal cash!

Fill up your board and then submit your patterns to get even more spins and more chances to win big points!

Click here to sign up and get started! If you sign up through my link and earn 300 SB before March 1st, you'll get a bonus 300 SB!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Get $25 to try HULU

If you've been thinking about trying Hulu, this is the time to do it. Thanks to an offer through Swagbucks, you get $25 (paid in the form of points called SB) for trying Hulu for a month. That will cost you $7.99, so you're making $17 on the deal!

Hulu has tons of current and classic programming, movies, brilliant original series, and more. Here's how you do it:

1. Click this link.
2. Create your Swagbucks account (takes 30 seconds)
3. Click "Continue" and sign up for Hulu
4. Enjoy Hulu! You should have your points within 30 minutes.


Haven't tried Swagbucks yet? They're a site where you earn points (called SB) for doing things like online shopping, watching videos, taking surveys, and discovering deals and services you might like to try (like Hulu!). You then take those points and turn them into free gift cards to places like Amazon, Starbucks, Walmart, Target, or PayPal cash.

This is a great time to join because when you sign up through the link above and get your 2000 SB, you'll get a bonus 300 SB at the beginning of March. So that's $25 (2500 SB) for trying Hulu plus your $3 (300 SB) bouns, which gets you 2800 SB, which means you make $20 total just for watching TV!

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Share the Love and get $5.00 when you sign up for Swagbucks in February!!!

February is a month of love, and getting a $5 bonus from Swagbucks is their way of showing it! Swagbucks is a rewards site where you earn points (called SB) for things you're probably doing online already, like searching, watching videos, discovering deals, and taking surveys. Then you take those points and exchange them for gift cards to places like Amazon, Starbucks, Walmart, Target, or PayPal cash.

When you sign up through me this month, you can earn a $5 bonus! Here's how:

1. Sign up using this link

2. Earn 300 SB total before 3/1/17. You'll get a $3 (300 SB) bonus for it!

3. If you spend at least $25 through Swagbucks Shop* you'll get another $2 (200 SB) bonus on top of the cash back you'll get from shopping. If you have some shopping to do online, just go to Swagbucks first and visit the store through them. It doesn't cost you anything extra, but you'll get SB points for every dollar you spend (on top of the bonus)!

That's it. It's super easy, and Swagbucks is for real. I use it myself, and I've earned over 33,000 Swagbucks since I've started!  That's over $300 that I've gotten for FREE!!! Which I mostly use on Amazon, because we all like to shop there!

*You must receive your shopping SB before April 1st

Get 1000 Swagbucks plus 15% off Your Valentine's Day Order from ProFlowers

Valentine's Day is here, and if you still don't have a gift picked out, Swagbucks and ProFlowers are teaming up to give you a great deal. Order through this link (you'll be asked to create your Swagbucks account if you don't already have one) and you'll get 15% off of your order PLUS 1000 SB, which is the equivalent of $10 in gift cards at Swagbucks. The 13th is the last day to guarantee delivery on Valentine's day, so order now!

In case you didn't know, Swagbucks is a rewards site where you earn points (called SB) for shopping, discovering deals (like this one), watching videos, taking surveys, and even surfing the web. Then you take your SB and redeem them for gift cards to hundreds of places including Amazon, Walmart, Starbucks, Target, or PayPal.

As a special bonus to you, if you sign up through me through this offer and get the 1000 SB, you'll get a bonus 300 SB at the beginning of March. That's $13 total PLUS 15% off your Valentine's Day order.

Get it now!

Many of you have been asking me about Swagbucks, this is a great Swagbuck earning opportunity, along with getting flowers for those that are procrastinators....or have been too busy with college to remember that Tuesday is Valentine's Day!!

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Valentine's Day Shop Deals (Swagbucks)

Still looking for the perfect gift to get that special person in your life? Do you Valentine's Day shopping through Swagbucks and get cash back for all your purchases!

The best part? Through Valentine's Day, select retailers are offering double cash back or more! Just click here to sign up for Swagbucks and learn more.

If you don't know about Swagbucks, it's a site where you earn points (called SB) for doing things like shopping, watching videos, discovering deals, searching the web, and taking surveys! You redeem your SB for gift cards or PayPal cash.

As a special bonus, if you sign up through me and spend at least $25 in shop, you'll get a 200 SB bonus!

Friday, February 3, 2017

SWAGGO: Shopping Edition

Swagbucks is hosting another round of Shopping Swago! What is SWAGO you ask? It's a bingo-inspired promotion run by Swagbucks, a website that rewards you with points (called SB) for completing everyday online activities. You can redeem those SB for free gift cards. If you've never used Swagbucks, participating in SWAGO is a great introduction to the site and an easy way to earn a good amount of points quickly. With Valentine's Day around the corner, why not do your gift shopping online and earn cash back while you're at it?
Here’s what you need to know to get your 200 SB ($2) Bonus (and don’t worry, you don’t have to make a purchase to complete a pattern):
  • Shop Swago will begin on Monday, February 6th at 9am PDT/12pm EDT, make sure you hit “Join” otherwise you won’t get credit for completing the action items. Each square on your Swago Board will contain an action item to complete.
  • Once you complete the action item in a particular square the square will change color signifying the action item is complete.
  • You have a limited amount of time to mark off as many squares as possible so use your time wisely.
  • Be mindful of the patterns and their corresponding bonuses located on the right of your Swago Board. The patterns will vary in difficulty and bonus value.
  • Once you’ve achieved a pattern the corresponding “Submit” button will light up. You can have multiple patterns available for submission, however, you can only submit ONE pattern so choose wisely.
  • The game ends Thursday, February 9th at 12pm PDT/3pm EDT. So make sure to hit “Submit” on the pattern you wish to submit. If you don’t hit “Submit” before the game ends you won’t receive your SB bonus.

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Earn Swagbucks in your Neighborhood with SwagBucks local!!

You've probably heard me talk about Swagbucks before. It's the site where you get points (called SB) for doing things like shopping, discovering deals, watching videos, taking surveys, and searching the web. Then you turn those points in free gift cards to places like Amazon, Starbucks, Target, and PayPal cash.  Swagbucks is at its best when they're paying you to do something you'd already do online, and now they're taking that concept into thousands of restaurants around the country with the SB Local app for iOS and Android. Starting on 2/2 and running through Sunday, 2/5, they have a killer deal running - here's how you can take advantage of it:

1. Click here to download the Swagbucks Local app. You can create your Swagbucks account if you're new to it.
2. Sign in with your Swagbucks account information.
3. Link your first debit/credit cards to your Swagbucks Local app and get an instant 100 SB!
4. Use your linked card to pay at thousands of participating locations! If you spend $20 or more before Monday, February 6th, you'll get a 300 SB bonus! That bonus will be paid out by 5pm PST on February 10th.

If you're also signing up for Swagbucks for the first time and use my link, that means you'll get another 300 SB bonus. We're talking about $7 plus for going out to eat!

Some more info about SB Local: Soon after paying with your linked card, you will see the transaction show up in your Swagbucks Local Activity ledger. Your SB earned will be calculated on the transaction amount before taxes and tip. Swagbucks Local is currently supported in the following metropolitan areas: San Diego, Los Angeles, Orange County, San Francisco, Ventura County, Dallas, Atlanta, Washington DC, Phoenix, Houston, Denver, Detroit, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, Cincinnati, Seattle, Fort Lauderdale and Chicago. New cities added on a regular basis, and you'll get the 100 SB bonus for linking your first card even if you don't live in one of the cities listed above!

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Busy Busy Busy

So, I want to interact with ya'll and tell you more of what's going on...

BUT....

I'm so gosh darn busy lately.

I think I may be a bit on the crazy side.  I've taken FIVE upper level classes this semester.
Then I have the FIVE clubs that I'm a member of.
I'm an officer in FOUR of those clubs.
I'm president of TWO of those clubs.
Oh yeah, did I mention the internship I accepted this semester?
Yeah, got that covered also.

So, as you see...if my posts are sporadic again, it's a GOOD busy!
I'm really enjoying things this semester so far, tomorrow is the end of the third week of school.

Oh yeah...I received word last night that I get to go to SFA Days in Austin in a couple weeks.  
I will be taking a lot of pictures and posting them when I go! Also, I will be posting pictures of my adventures in Amtgard (also the LARP club).  Stay tuned.


Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year!

As we welcome in a New Year, I want to reflect on this past year.  

There have been times when I thought I couldn't go on, and there are times when I was so full of hope that it was overflowing.  There are different reasons to celebrate a new year. It could be because you have dreams for the upcoming year, or you want a horrible year to be in the past.  Or both.

In the past year I've done several things and had several things happen to me:

I fought my apartments about Fair Housing and got evicted.

I survived an assault from my ex husband which left me with an incomplete SCI.

I was recognized as "Senator of the Year" for Student Government Association.

I found a new place to live, and had to move from there because of the ex.

I finally got back on track as far as school.

I've learned to walk with AFO's...it's kinda interesting.

I was nominated as Sergeant at Arms of Student Government Association.

I've learned a lot this past year, and I still have a lot of learning to do.  This life is constantly changing and I'm constantly changing with it.  I've said goodbye to my marriage, and I've accepted the fact that I'm single again.  There's always room for improvement and there's always goals.  So, with that being said, here are a couple of resolutions for 2017:

1.  Get a job.
2.  Keep an apartment.
3.  Win at least one tournament in Magic.
4.  Get my Level I judge for Magic.
5.  Get Certified Student Leader endorsements.
6.  Get all three levels of CMAP.
7.  Try to repair broken relationships, and make ammends to those I have wronged.
8.  Continue rebuilding my life.

These may seem like stupid goals to some, but to me, it's showing that my life is going on, that I"m not letting HIM hold me back, that I can perservere even though my life is changed.