Stubborn??? That's the least of it.
See, I've grown up, I can be professional, I CAN FORGIVE...
which is more than I can say for my family.
The past six months have been heartbreaking.
They have been emotionally scarring.
They've been, for lack of a better word...
What kind of person would bully their own child?
What kind of person would instruct their caretaker to assault their child?
What kind of person would do this? Knowingly?
Marsha Jean Cook...otherwise known as the person who gave birth to me.
I am not calling her my mother anymore, because a mother would not do this.
A mother is supposed to care for and protect their children.
I am still scared to let my family know where I am...specifically...though I think they have an idea.
I'm scared to let anyone get close to me anymore because of all this.
I thought growing up knowing that your parents didn't want you was bad...but for your mother to say she's changed, only to be worse to me than ever growing up was a nightmare.
I saw an old high school teacher in December right after most of this happened, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I can't believe your mom did this to you AGAIN".
AGAIN....my mom did this while I was in high school, and like a stupid child, I believed her when she said things would be different.
Her own sister said that she should never have had kids, that she was too selfish...
And still I believed her.
I've been told not to post this; not to write an open letter to my mom...
but if that's the only way to let her know how I feel,
How I HURT
How I feel BETRAYED
How I feel HOPELESS
Then I will do it...I will put everything out there that what she did was horrible....and I'm not saying in the least that I'm innocent, because I did some horrible things to, but I OWN THEM...
I don't blame others for what I did.
I have also TRIED to MAKE AMENDS and Ask forgiveness.
I believe in FORGIVENESS...I believe in giving another chance...because
PEOPLE LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES.
Me, I've learned that my family will always be toxic
I've learned not to trust them anymore.
I've learned not to believe anything that comes out of their mouths because it's usually LIES!
So...Marsha Jean Cook.
I'm sorry for hurting you.
I'm sorry for lashing out when I was being bullied and harassed by people that you paid.
I want to badly to talk to you, and try to patch things up.
I do miss talking to you every day.
I miss telling you the things I've discovered or learned.
I miss telling you the funny things that happen to me (like I broke TWO NEEDLES trying to bind a book).
I miss making you laugh.
I miss learning with you.
I miss trying to introduce you to new things.
I miss exploring with you.
I miss you watching me make jewelry.
I miss making jewelry for you.
I miss introducing you to new shows to watch on Netflix.
I miss teaching you what your phone would do.
I miss all of this.
When I bought you the diamond earrings, you cried because no on had ever gotten them for you.
When I bought you the stuffed animal after your hip surgery, when NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE...you cried because NO ONE had thought to get you anything while you were in the hospital.
When you told me the wrong direction to someplace and started crying because you thought I would yell at you, I was hurt. I was hurt because Letty did that to you, and taught you to be afraid to make a mistake. I was hurt because your own daughter did this to you.
And, you choose to be around this now. You have chosen to be around the same people that have yelled at you, made you late to your appointments, made you scared to make a mistake. And yet, me, who just laughed and said "we get to learn a new way", me, you choose to cut out of your life.
This sounds like classic elder abuse, yet no one will listen to me because I'm the one that everyone teamed up against and pushed out. I made sure you went to all of your appointments. I made sure you did what you wanted to do. Sometimes, paying for it out of my own pocket.
One day, you will see what is really happening, and I hope that day comes soon...before you've lost me forever.
This is my Good Bye to you.
This is my closure.
I don't even have a phone number for you, and that's OK with me.
Even though I have been cold and hungry most days these past couple months, I know I'm a good person.
I know that I did the best I could for you.
Now, I have to hope.
Hope that someone realizes this before it's too late.
Hope that someone can intervene before you lose everything, including your freedom.
You once said to me that your biggest fear was being put in a nursing home...and yet...
How is that going?
You're unable to keep people working for you...why is that?
I was there for free...and yes...I've learned a lot.
I've changed a lot in these past couple months...I'm not even sure you would recognize me if you saw me.
So....this isn't exactly a letter, but it's me speaking my feelings. It's me speaking out because I know things are not good with you, but you won't let the people that care about you the most around you.
So, if someone in a position of authority reads this blog...please check out all the circumstances regarding all this. This woman is being abused...to the point she is scared of her own family, and I fear for her safety. I fear for her mental well being. What people would buy all these gifts for an elderly person that they have just known a couple months when these people are struggling themselves? What people would do this? Nathasha and Gilbert (Bubba) Hise are the ones that started all this, and yet, no oneis investigating them or their motives. Their own daughter accused them of abuse, and yet they're allowed to be around elderly who can't speak up for themselves.
So, I ask you...who is really the worst person?
Who are the people that are putting my mother in harms way?