Sunday, June 16, 2019

I know I've been neglecting my blog...

I know I've been neglecting my blog, but in my defense...

I have no excuses.

There are posts that I want to write and I'm too busy to write them...


I don't want to take the time to sit down and write them...


I just don't know if you guys want to read what I write.

There are a few projects that I want to start doing, and then there's a couple that I want to restart.

One is near and dear to me...the homeless population here in Killeen.

I want to take the time to sit and talk with those that are homeless, and let you and the world know about them.  See, Killeen (Central Texas altogether) has VERY LITTLE RESOURCES for low income people.  On paper, they have a bunch, the main one is they will refer you to the Central Texas Council of Governments....which, in my opinion, is a joke. 

I tried to call for housing when I moved here and the only thing I got in return was "it's going to be two years until the list opens up"...this is just the HOUSING LIST people...not even the waiting time on the list.  In the meantime, there are people that are homeless because they have nowhere to go for help...most of them are VETERAN'S and most of them have some sort of Mental Illness.  When I called our State Representative, Brad Buckley, I was told there was nothing he could do.  In my opinion, this is EXACTLY why he was elected.  Unless of course I'm wrong.  

If this was Nacogdoches, I know that Travis Clardy would be working on this situation and trying to fix it.  He genuinely cares about the community.  With that being said...I do see myself doing something for the community because of the fact that I care about this town and the people that live here.  For the ONE homeless shelter to close down because of lack of funding is a joke. 

Another thing I would like to start doing is....

Just plain documenting my life again.  

Four years ago, when everything fell apart after the Chicago trip, I just kinda dropped off the face of the blog...I do apologize for that, and I promise to be more active on all social media.  

And yet another thing I want to start doing again is....

Encouraging more Random Acts of Kindness!

There's Kindness in the world, everywhere...and it can be spread by one simple Random Act of Kindness.  So, I'm going to start posting some of my RAOK's and hope that inspires others to do it also.

With that being said, I want to also use this blog to reach out to someone in San Antonio.  This person, from what I've heard, is very angry at me for not being in her wasn't my choice.  You were basically stolen from me, and up until 4 years ago, I had everything documented.  You will be 18 in a couple of months and then as an adult, I can (HOPEFULLY) contact you without your grandparents sending me to jail....yes they threatened me with jail if I tried to contact you.  I will also send you letters which you will hopefully get at your house.  I've always missed you and I've always loved you.  If you want, you can ask your aunt to give you my number, I do take blocked calls so you can call me and I won't get your number.  

So....This is the start of the new (and hopefully) improved TheMarciFactor.  

Friday, June 7, 2019

Prayers for Backwoods

I've sat down to write this post several times, and there are no words to describe it.  So, I will probably put this in two separate posts.  The first post being the most important, the second with how INTERESTING  everything was until the tragedy on Sunday.

So, here goes.  (Deep Breath)

I want to ask everyone to stop a minute and pray for those that were affected by the helicopter crash at Backwoods.

Three people died, and one is still fighting for his life in critical condition.

This is my way of saying, you're not forgotten, and the entire EDM community is mourning with your family and friends.  

These are the three that lost their lives: 
Sarah Hill (GoFundMe)
Chuck Dixon (GoFundMe)
Marco Ornelas (GoFundMe)

And the sole survivor, who I found out after the festival is friends with my son in Nebraska.
Zachariah Petersen (GoFundMe)

All four of these people were doing what they love and we should remember them.  I for one, will always remember this day, and this weekend.  I may have known them a very short time, or not at all, but when you go to a Festival like this, we're all family...there are no strangers.  So, if you're reading this, please consider sharing and/or donating to these very worthy GoFundMe campaigns.  

I don't know what else to say, and anything else regarding Backwoods and my experience there will be in another post...which may take a day or a week to write, but it will be here. 

Sunday, May 5, 2019

My Baby is TEN!!!

I just wanted to let everyone know....



A whole decade since he was born. 

This is a quick post, no pictures, no nothing.

We went to NASA for his birthday, and he's going to the trampoline park with his Aunt today....but WOW!!!

Happy Birthday Monster Boy!
Mommy loves you so Much!

Wednesday, March 13, 2019

Twists and Turns

I've neglected my blog for almost three years.
Three years I've wanted to write so much, and when it came down to it, did I really want to share everything with the world.


I do want to share with you.  I want to share what's been going on, what I have been feeling, what I've been going through, my ups and downs...I want to start sharing again.  

So, what is my blog about?

It used to be about my life as a wife, a mother, and a farmer. 
I used to advocate about TBI, Hydrocephalus, Rare diseases, and things that affected me in my daily life.

Now, it's going to be about things that affect me in my daily's now going to be about van living, fighting for my rights, thoughts, and people I meet.  

And, I will tell you...I will tell everyone...

I live in my van.  I got tired of landlords evicting me for asking for a wheelchair ramp, I got tired of roommates that decide to screw me over, and I'm tired of having to fight for every little thing that other people take for being able to get into their apartment or house.

It's tough, it's expensive at times, but I have a nice little schedule worked out.  

Most days, you will find me at the Gateway Truck Stop...You meed the most amazing people there.  Truck drivers that come through town once a week, those that don't ever come back again. 
The local firemen that come for breakfast, and sometimes have to leave in a hurry in the middle of their meal.  The older gentleman that I"m really worried about...he's all alone, and I don't think he eats much.  I've paid for his meals a couple of times.  The couple that home schools their son and daughter.  The family that comes in after church every Sunday.  The group of men that must have been friends for a very long time that comes in for coffee every morning.  

Living in my van has made me aware of how little space I have, and that I can get by with very little.  I miss my crafting, I miss my jewelry making,  I miss my sewing...but I don't think I would trade it for anything right now.  

Slowly, I"m coming back to myself.  When everything happened three years ago,  lost myself and it has been a very long road, but I"m making it.  Life will throw you curve balls.  You can expect at least one surprise every day.  And there are still good people out in the world.  

So, with that said....

HI!  I'm Marci, I've been away for a while, but I think I've finally found my voice again.  And, boy do I have a lot to tell you.

Sunday, February 24, 2019

For You


This is to one person, but I don't mind sharing it with everyone.

I was told that you're angry at me, and at your dad, and to tell you the truth, YOU have every right to be angry!!!  Please remember that.

I want to tell you what happened.  But first I want to tell you about me, and how I miss you so much and think about you every single day.

I was in town one day last year and followed you at a very discreet distance for a little bit.  Your grandparents have done a great job raising you.  

When I think about you every day, I wonder what you like?  Is your favorite color still pink?  Do you still like vegetables more than meat?  

Little One, I wish I had been there, I wanted to be there, but every time I asked, I was threatened with a restraining order.   

I've heard you're curious about your brothers.  You are the middle child.  BooBoo is older than you, and his dad died a couple years ago.  He also has a beautiful daughter that looks just like him.

Then there's Monster.  I call him Monster because with our last name of Cook, he was gonna get called Cookie, and then Cookie Monster...I made it a good thing.  

Your older brother likes to fish, and lives in Nebraska.  I haven't seen him since he was 4 either....his dad disappeared with him even though we had shared custody.  And, I didn't want him to continue to see the fighting all the time so I just stepped back.  Some people may think I'm a horrible person for letting his dad have him and not fight all the time, but imagine that all you see is your parents fighting. I didn't want him to grow up with that, so I stepped back and let his dad give him what stability he could.  

And, you.  My precious little girl.  That first year after I lost you was very hard.  And see, your grandparents helped your dad pay for the divorce...they got him an attorney and everything, and I was stuck trying to scrape by with just eating...I couldn't afford an attorney and they took advantage of that and terminated my parental rights.  I never NEVER, NOT EVER...wanted to give you up like that.  I can remember the day they let me see you in a supervised setting...I was so happy.  But then when it was time to leave I help myself together long enough to get on the highway, then I pulled over and cried so hard I threw up.  There were many many days of that it was all I could do to get out of bed, and to go on with my lift.  It was hard.  

There is another testimony that I want to tell you, but that is not for today.  Today is for me introducing myself to you again.  What a beautiful young woman you've turned into...yes I have seen a couple of pictures, before your dad realized I could see them.  

At the same time, I wish your grandmother would accept my apology and at least talk to me.  My sister has my number, all you have to do is ask for it.  

I would like to propose a meeting.  If your grandmother would allow it, the location of her choice, and as many witnesses as she would like.  I do know how to behave myself and will not be destructive or rude in any way.  I can sit there and talk to them face to face in a calm's taken me the better part of the last 40 years to work on that, and there are still times where all the self control in the world doesn't help.  

It's taken me a long time...I was married again.  We had a good life, and then one day he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore.  I still haven't graduated college...Life keeps getting in the way.  I have a very good job right now, and even though I have a weird place, it's all mine.  I love taking pictures, and making things, and if your Nana could see me today she wouldn't recognize me.  I crochet, I sew, I bind books, I do make jewelry.  

I really, really wish I didn't miss all these years
We can't change the past, but we can work on the future.  I want to say I"m sorry.  I"m sorry I didn't fight for you harder, and I"m sorry I let your grandparents run me out of town.  I also want you to know that I love your dad very much.  Again, he's someone that I wish would just take five minutes and talk to me...Everyone makes mistakes, and yes I made a lot of them but, you know what?  I learn from my mistakes.  Your grandmother meant a lot to me and to have this silence when I looked up to her was heartwrenching.  I don't even think she would recognize me if she saw me on the street.

But, back to you.  I don't know if you've ever heard of the Mason's or Eastern Star, but you have a right to join Eastern Star and Rainbow Girls if you want.  I am your affiliation.  

Another thing...I think this will surprise your dad even.  While I don't play YuGiGo like he does, I do play Magic the Gathering.  I'm working on a constume for a Con of some sort.  Again, if only he would talk to me...he's someone else that I miss every single day.  But that's neither here nor there...what matters is that you have questions, and while I may not have all the answers, I will certainly try to answer them for you.  Know that you are 1/4 Mexican, and I"m very proud of that part for you.  

I work and have the same days off every week.  I have a set schedule, and I usually go out of town on my days off.  The reason I haven't gone to San Antonio as much as the other places is because it hurts...A LOT to go there.  I believe in second chances, or third chances, or even fourth chances....And I pray every day that your grandparents forgive me...that sooner or later they will call me and say it's time.  I learned so much from them that I still use to this day.  

I also want to let you know there are a couple of pictures that I hold near to me every day.  One sits in my van, and one sits in my Bible.  The one in the van is the picture of you that your Nana put in a small silver frame for me.  The other other one is a snapshot that I took one day when you were on the back porch of their old house.  You had on that hat that you used to love and the sun was just perfectly shining on you.  

I'm going to stop for now.  If you want to email me, you's marcimallow at yahoo dot com and if you want to leave any comments, they're always on "get approval" before they get posted, and I won't post any of your comments.  Hopefully you can talk to me soon and hopefully I can talk to you on the phone.  

My wonderful little girl...For 14 years, my heart has ached.  I've been looking forward to your 18th birthday because that is when I could legally talk to you without your grandparents interfering.  

I miss them...I miss you...very very much!  I know that nothing I say or do will make up for these past 14 years, but please, please know that losing you just about killed me...LITERALLY!

I hope this wasn't information overload for you, and anytime you want to learn something, just ask.

You are my dear sweet daughter, and I hope to see you again, soon.