Thursday, August 27, 2020

I wish, I wish, I wish

 I wish.v..

So many times, I say this...

And so many times, I really wish.

I wish my mom would talk to me.

I wish I could call my mom and tell her about my day...the funny things that happened to me, the encounters I've had.

I wish I was still married...it may not have been perfect, but it was my marriage.

I wish I didn't have to worry all the time.

I wish I was going back to school like everyone else.

These things are what goes through my head every day.

I miss having someone to talk to.

I miss having someone to hang out with...I'm not an introvert...I crave interaction.

Yet...sometimes I really want to be alone.

I miss having things to do.

I miss having a job.

I miss having that responsibility.

I miss dancing.


But, there are also some good...no great things in my life.

I have my Denny's family.

I have some really close friends from there.

I have a place to live.

I have people that care about me.


Sometimes, I miss my mom so much, that I do cry.  I do wish I could go back in time...but mostly I wish I could get her away from the people that are doing this, because she would never act like she is without these people in her life.  And the really crappy part of this is...I was helping them out because I knew they needed the money at the time.  I know Karma comes around, and my conscience is clear, but it still hurts.  


This past year has been one giant hole...in the holes of the past five years...

THIS. HAS. TO. GET. BETTER.

There has to be an end to all of this heartache.  Sooner or later, things have got to get better.

Things have been improving, and yet, there's still those moments where I get lost...just for the tiniest moment.  I look and realize how much I've lost and how much I've gained.  

One is never happy with their current situation...they're always longing for something more.

It's good to always dream...to always hope.  Because without hope, we are nothing.

So...every day...

I wish, I wish, I wish.